10

Charlie was concentrating very deeply. He had let the cel phone slip from his shoulder but he tucked it with his head so that he could listen to it and use the Playstation controller at the same time. "Right around this corner," he said on the phone.

"I don't believe you," came the voice on the phone.

"Look, DERF," he said, "I'm telling you there's a landshark right around this mushroom."

Charlie and Derf were deep in concentration, playing a video game called Exact Wizard Star Four, which starred a cartoon wombat named Sparko.

"Isn't Sparko kind of a dumb name?" Charlie asked.

"No, Charlie!" Derf said, shocked. "Come on!" For some reason, Wizard Star devotees were very particular about the game's terminology, even if it meant talking with a straight face about a slavering, ghoulish character with long fangs known as "Little Bunny Foo Foo."

"No!" Derf said again. "This is the best game ever made! Just look at that detail -- Sparko still has coffee stains on his shirt!"

Indeed, Sparko the wombat stood at a roadside snack bar in a white t-shirt with coffee stains, eating some emergency vittles.

"When was the last time you played a game that starred a wombat who spills coffee on his shirt and eats vittles!"

"I think you're on to something, Charlie," Derf said sarcastically. "Now how about that landshark?"

Derf's character climbed a tree and flew out of it in a parachute, landing on a robot dog. "I'm telling you," said Charlie, "keep moving, you just have to keep moving, hold the cow pellet over your head and ... WOW!"

Derf said nothing for a second.

"I found it, " cried Charlie, "I found the land shark!"

What Charlie heard next was like burned popcorn. He felt a palpably physiological shudder in his body, as he heard a cry of despair, terror and resignation over the phone.

Then he heard a conversation over the cel phone happening at Derf's house. "Stanley, I told you you're on a time limit. An hour and a half!"

"Awwwwwwwwwwww, Daddddddddddd! I lost my whole - auggghhhhhh!!"

Charlie could only wonder. "What happened, Derf?"

"Aaagh, my dad shut the power off for the WHOLE HOUSE because he's an asshole!" After that he heard several gnashing sounds followed by the sound of Derf's dad saying, "Go .... Out... side ... and ... play!"

Charlie rolled his eyes. He heard the door opened and Derf being bodily thrust into the stark autumn wind.

"I'm sorry, Charlie," said Derf's dad, "Stanley will NOT be available for the rest of the day."

"Mr. Bombarde ... you're ... " The bright lights entered Charlie's eyes. "You're playing with fire! His skin ... it's like paper!"

"I know, Charlie," said Mr. Bombarde. "Believe me, I know."

"He came over to my house last week and I could see his ribcage!" said Charlie, shuddering at the burnt-popcorn memory. "He'll never make it, Mr. Bombarde, he'll be devoured by birds and bugs and ... he'll ... he'll DIE!"